Whew! I don’t know where to even begin. I had one hell of a summer to say the least. It all started when I went out to Los Angeles, California to see Kyle Cease’s Weekend Event. I had no idea what to expect nor did I expect to meet someone there. I met so many great people that weekend who were so passionate and motivated about life, about their goals and more importantly their dreams.
I met a wonderful man, Jason at Kyle’s event. We completely hit it off and had quite a spiritual connection. I came there with no intentions on meeting someone. I went there with an open mind and open heart to experience whatever I was supposed to experience. Kyle’s event inspired us all of the possibilities we can achieve. I did not want the event to end. I had an extra few days after the event and told my brother to come down to visit, which was great.
But something about Jason kept staying in my mind. Maybe a day or so later after the event, he called me and asked me to come to Mexico with him for a week with some of his friends. His friends had a beautiful villa in Cabo San Lucas and he would love for me to come. Of course, my immediate thoughts were, “This is nuts, I don’t even know this guy and he wants me to come to Mexico?!”
After learning what I had learned from Kyle’s event it was to “Leap and the world will throw you a net.” And after a day of thinking about it and being scared shitless to buy that ticket, I decided to do it. I was too fly back to NJ to get proper Mexico weather attire and head out to Cabo. I had a few connections on my way to Cabo and I remember sitting in Charlotte, North Carolina as this was my last connection before arriving in Mexico, I started to panic. I called my mom and was like “I can’t do this, I’m scared.”
But she said, “What’s the worst that can happen? You have a good time?”
She was right, I pulled myself together and took a deep breath and boarded the plane. When I arrived in Mexico, I was concerned about how we would find each other because our phones did not work and my flight arrived at a different time. But the universe always finds ways, our baggage claim terminals were right next to each other. I felt so relieved and good to see him there. I actually said under my breath, “Oh my god, thank god, he’s here.”
He had a car ready for us to drive back to the Villa where we would later meet up with his friends. I haven’t felt this good with a guy in a long time and I was glad I decided to go.
We spent a wonderful, beautiful week in Cabo with the guys surfing and us girls lounging by the pool with drinks. The beach was gorgeous and I was in good company while I was there. Jason and I couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen after Mexico or at least I was thinking it. I did not want this to end.
He kept mentioning how he has a cabin in Oregon and has been wanting to go back there to fix it up in the spring time. I’m currently working on getting my Italian Citizenship and it could take about six months to get. And in the meantime he said why don’t just come there and live with him. In the spring, he said you can go and I’ll stay here and fix the cabin. I wasn’t sure. Did I really want to get into something like this when I know I have big travel plans coming up.
Living in a cabin in the woods was always a dream of mine and to be there with someone who I really liked was an added bonus. He kept showing me pictures of the area and I got really excited for the beautiful photos I can take there. I was on a roll with making big leaps and thought eh what the hell, I’ll give it a go.
When we both parted ways, him back to California and me back to New Jersey. The plan originally was for me to drive out by myself and meet him out there. But he surprised me and flew out to New Jersey, which I knew was hard for him as flying is one of his biggest fears. It meant a lot that he came out and I felt relieved I did not have to do that drive alone. We made our little itinerary of where we wanted to go and specific places we wanted to see. He met my family and a day later we were on the road.
I never felt so anxious. I was terrified to leave home. My father a week prior to Jason flying out experienced a heart attack and it was his first week back home from the hospital. It was a really emotional week and now I would be leaving him and home to move 3,000 miles away. I felt so guilty to leave my dad after something like that. It was really tough. And as I’m reliving this moment writing this, its making me tear up.
My dad said, “I’m ok, I want you to do this. I always wanted to drive cross-country so go. Don’t stop because of me.”
I don’t think I ever cried that much in a week. I said my goodbyes and hugged my little puppy one last time before I left. Once we got on the road, things started to get real and everything set in that I’m doing this. It was a big jump for me, I have never been in a serious relationship like this before. And here I am moving cross-country to live with my boyfriend who also happens to 15 years older than me. I thought for sure, my family would not approve because of the age difference but they knew this was what I wanted and wanted me to be happy. If this was going to make me happy than they were supportive.
Jason and I drove through the most beautiful parts of this country. I loved going through all the national parks and seeing small country towns. Living in New Jersey and being NYC all the time, it was a nice change of busy to slowing down a bit. It took us about 5 days to arrive in Brightwood, Oregon, which I must say was great timing.
We arrived and it was beautiful. The sun was shining, the air was fresh with the river flowing in the distance.
I was like “Ahh, this is it. This is where I need to be.”
Sometimes life decides to throw you a curve ball, either you can take it or you leave. And 11 or so days after arriving there, I did not want to be there. There is always a risk you take when you don’t know someone that well or don’t have a good foundation, so when fights or arguments arise you can make better judgements. He got angry with me a few times and I found a gun upstairs, which was enough for me to leave. I studied forensic psychology and my mind went wild. I did not tell him why I was leaving, I just packed my things and went to California where my brother lives.
Everyone said I was doing the right thing and it did feel right. I was scared and didn’t feel safe so I left. But even as I was leaving I felt so much goodness. I had a 10hr drive ahead of me and I kid you not, I saw rainbows even double rainbows the entire way to my brother’s place. I started crying in my car because I knew I was making the right choice.
I arrived at my brother’s place, not welcomed at first. When I later found out he had a bad day at work and I showed up at the wrong moment. It made me feel even worse. I felt like I had no where to go, I felt like “Great, even my own brother doesn’t want me here.” It was a scary moment. I started researching for trucks to pick up my car and ship it back to NJ.
But I started hanging out with my brother’s friends from his church. I’m not religious at all but I said just be open you may hear messages you need to hear. His friends Shaun and James were great people, we all did a hike together at Mission Peak. We all woke up at 4:30 am and met at the mountain at 5am to try to make it to the top in time to see the sun rise.
It was not a small hike as James said, it was rough but not that bad. I needed something physical after feeling so emotional the last few days. We finally made it to the top and waited for the sun to rise. Out of no where, the clouds were moving over us so fast, we were engulfed in the clouds. I have never seen something like that before in my life. They said it was God, I say Universe but who cares we all felt something in that moment. It was beautiful and I’m so grateful I spent it with them and my brother. It gave me emotional strength that everything was going to be alright.
Then the next day my brother took me to his church. It was the first time I stepped in a church since I was 5 years old. I went in there with an open mind and wanted to see what my brother was enjoying. The pastor that evening spoke about just enjoying the journey, life is adventure. Just relax. And that God gives us “Divine Delays”, something is delayed because something else needs to happen first. And I truly believe me leaving Jason and coming to my brother was exactly that so I can hear that.
After spending time with these wonderful people, I started wondering if I made a mistake. I spoke with Jason and I’s good friend Kyle who put things into perspective for me coming from a guy. He spoke with Jason as well and we did eventually talk. I wanted to make things work and did not want to leave to go home without having given a proper shot. I decided to go back, my gut was telling me to do it. I had plenty of people telling me otherwise and that I deserve and can do so much better. Maybe they were right, maybe they weren’t but it would bother me that I didn’t try.
I said my goodbyes to my brother and thanking him for letting me stay with him for a few days. It was wonderful to see him and spend time with him and see what he has been up too. I’m really proud of him, he inspires me to do what you feel is right.
I packed my car up again and headed out for another 10-11hr drive back to Brightwood. It felt good. I knew this was what I needed to do. When I finally arrived back in Jason’s arms, I felt so good. I realized how much I did like him and became more appreciative of him. We started doing things together, which we weren’t before. Life was good.
Then life throws you another curveball and sometimes you just gotta listen to what its telling you. After bringing up my plans to travel the world, it brought up another argument of why did I come back. I simply wanted to discuss my travel plans and wanted him to get excited about it and start researching it with me. But he didn’t. He sees this differently. But we began to realize that this is going to keep coming up and he didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want to be here or was planning to leave.
I was very clear about my intentions and expectations with this relationship, Jason heard me but I don’t think he listened to what I was saying. He knew that I was going to be traveling in a few months and that I wasn’t planning on staying there permanently.
I wish things could have worked out, I really do. He is a beautiful person and I’m so glad I met him. I learned so much about myself and certain things I need to change and I’m sure the same goes for him. We are at different times in our lives where he wants a serious girlfriend, possibly more to settle with and I’m just a girl who just graduated college and wants to see the world and be free. The last thing on my mind is to settle right now. After coming home it was an emotional roller coaster of adjusting to being back home and missing Jason. I missed our good times but I knew we had different goals and dreams in life. I know he will find someone who will love him the way he wants and needs and the same goes for me.
I cannot think this is a bad thing that happened to me even though I may feel bad. It truly was and is a blessing in disguise. I wouldn’t change a thing. I believe everything happens for a reason and we don’t meet people on purpose. Everyone you meet serves a purpose in your life whether its meant to be for a life time or for a few months, days, weeks, minutes, or seconds. Everyone plays a part of giving you a lesson, its you that has to be aware of it happening and open to seeing it.
Alas, its unfortunate when you have a different picture in your head of how things will be and they become the complete opposite. I did not expect us to part so soon but we did and I have to accept that. I will always care and have love for him, but we are on different paths in our lives that I don’t believe will cross. I thank him for the beautiful experiences we had together and the life lessons he showed me, I can only use them to better myself. So here is to me following my dreams and getting focused on making money and traveling the world.